"Please come to our pub. Look, we put this photo on Twitter! Look how happy we are! Look at all these pumpclips! We've even mentioned all the breweries' accounts by name! And CAMRA! But for information! Not attention! Not for retweets and likes or anything! Please come to our pub and drink our beer. It's really quiet and our over-ambitious cask ale line up is going off. Please, we beg you. We'll take the Marillion off the jukebox! We'll clean the toilets! We'll even put Titanic Plum Porter on! Please! We're desperate!"