ENTITLEMENT

Picture the scene. A pub. It's 8:30 on a Sunday night. A group of boisterous, balloon-wielding women fall through the door. An ambulatory birthday party, if you. They want drink. And food. And they want it now.

Unfortunately, food service finished at 8pm. Upon being told this, the leader of the women (there is always a 'leader' in this situation, usually the most forward and loud) is very unhappy, saying her group have walked a mile from the town centre and the food serving hours were not mentioned when she called yesterday.  This despite said hours being displayed on the website, Facebook, and the bloody big sign outside.

The women leave in bad grace, and hang about outside, probably awaiting some kind of compensatory offer that, unfortunately for them, never comes.

Entitlement is everywhere now. The British as a people used to be notorious for not complaining about things, no matter what appalling events happened to them.  For better or worse, the reason the "Keep Calm And Carry On" poster is iconic is because in the second decade of the 21st century it is ironic.

With the increase in the service sector, competition in all sectors has increased.  Encouraged by this, in the event of some kind of mishap,the once-docile customer now expects and, more to the point, feels entitled to both a grovelling apology and a freebie to keep their "dignity" intact. And woe betide any business that doesn't provide this. This stuff is the bread and butter of review sites such as TripAdvisor, where the threat of an online slaughtering that anyone can see is seen as enough to extract suitable compensation out of a pub or restaurant.

I cannot see this tendency lessening in future. Customers know pubs are struggling at the moment, and most are desperate to maintain their customers level, never mind increase it. So it will continue,  and more and more will be expected.

Unfortunately,  as this always costs actual money it will help contribute to a pub's demise.  And what service will they get then?

ENCROACHING

Imagine you live in a town with a large university.  I'm guessing you're thinking that everything will be youthful, vibrant, progressive, and all of those assorted adjectives which are universally reckoned to be "good".

But what if you just want a quiet pint? Sorry, you're likely out of luck.

The thing is, with University Arts students, they see the world as an extension of their personal space.  They want to perform. It's their right. So if they get to a pub and see it's quiet, then they'll see an opportunity.  As all classic narcissists, they see the world as an extension of themselves rather than vice versa. They think whenever they perform, everyone will love them,

Sadly for them, and everyone else, it's not true. Most of these performers are not as talented as they imagine themselves to be. And, outside of advertised music nights, pubgoers are only after a few pints and a quiet chat. Mutual dissatisfaction all around.

So, if you're sat there with a beer on a weekday afternoon and someone starts banging the pub piano or singing spontaneously, it's best to leave. Before either they or you get irritated.

Appropriate behavior is dead. Pushing is alive and rampant.

EMBER, GOING DOWN THE

Photo : Simon Everitt 

One of the great joys of pubs in the UK is the sheer number of varied locales and experiences available.  Whatever your own personal desires and comfort levels are, there is usually a pub nearby that will suit you.  People even write blogs about this stuff,  I hear.

Of course, many people aren't really seeking varied experiences. No. They just want a drink. They want everything bog standard, and maybe even identical everywhere they go.  These are people for whom even Wetherspoons are too risky. After all, they may not like the carpet.

Where there is a market, there will be someone there to provide the desired service or product.  And for seekers of the identikit pub, there is Ember Inns.   Everything, and I mean everything is the same no matter which one you have unfortunately found yourself in. Big pillar outside. Standard menu. Line up of beers from large regional breweries (they even now have their own 'Ember Ale' so as to provide an option for those who are disconcerted by having to choose between Thwaites and Moorhouses). Massive and probably fake fireplace. Blackboards proclaiming about something called "Chip Tank". You get the idea.

For example, I was once reading a Twitter post from one unhappy blogger who had found himself in one of these places. He posted a photo of it and I thought "What's he doing in the Black Bull?" (my local Ember). It turned out he was in Exeter.

There is a rumour, totally unsubstantiated of course, that there is a factory in China churning out Embers for the export market to the UK.

Still, gives pub tickers a chance to play "Ember Bingo" (see above), and for that we should be grateful.

EXCLUSIVITY

When a hopeful new manager takes over a pub takes over a pub with a certain reputation you often hear that they want to "increase the tone of the business".  Or "kicking out the scrotes" as it is more commonly known in the trade.  Pubs, with their literal open door policy, have throughout history attracted people with shady intentions using them as a base for borderline illegal activities, presided over with a thick atmosphere of incipient threat.  And such things will never do.

The new manager has many weapons in his gentrification arsenal.  They can paint the interior in white or pastel shades (more light means fewer hidden spaces where "stuff" can occur).  They can raise prices of all the drinks by 25% (hopefully pricing out those who's minimal subsistence comes from benefits or petty crime).  And if they're really serious, they can install some handpumps serving Real Ale (a definite signal to the lower classes that this is no longer their kind of place).

But what happens if they succeed? Will the nice people who are both well-behaved and high-spending fill the pub up with chat about university fees and the clink of prosecco glasses?  Who knows? And the former customers who have moved on?  What happens to them?

What indeed.